Legoland Football Association president and general lard-ass, Mr Fifa, has claimed that there is “no hooligan problem in Legoland football”.
The bizarre claims seems to contradict all semi-logical evidence which, if anything, seems to point to increasing levels of hooliganism in Legoland’s national sport.
Mr Fifa, whose organisation is under pressure to clamp down hard on football related violence, told reporters from the NTL television network that the “LFA can do nothing to stop a problem that doesn’t exist” before leaving the stunned correspondents. Later he elaborated in an exclusive interview with The Legoland Times.
“Some mini-figs think that football hooliganism is starting to creep into our great league but it is not the case. Deaths and injuries are caused by accidents such as falling stadium roofs and the like. The hooligans, which don’t exist, should not be blamed for this”.
According to experts in liars from the University of Legoland City, Mr Fifa is “trying hard” to get his association “out of hot water” with regards to this “unsolvable problem”. Professor Maximus Uranus believes that Mr Fifa cannot prevent supporters of clubs such as Legoland FC and Legoland United from rioting and general acts of hooliganism, and so, does “not want to waste money trying to fight the issue”.
“Of course the LFA cannot say they won’t fund anti-hooliganism measures, so they must say there is no problem to begin with”, he added.
Meanwhile Empire Police chief Biggus Piggus accused Legoland FC fans of “mindless behaviour” when they celebrated their club’s 1-0 win over Legoland United last night by setting alight a city centre outlet of McDonald’s restaurant.
“There is no excuses for such barbarian-type actions”, Mr Piggus said. “As well as the thousands of pounds worth of damage, there are now two mini-figs without a job tomorrow”.