Legoban insurgency is being “bankrolled” by the trade in narcotics

Mader Pipons, a senior official in the Ministry of Finance, has this evening leaked the startling findings of a secret central government report on the extent of links between the Legoban and Legoland’s own drug gangs. Mr Pipons tendered his resignation to the media before being arrested and taken away by the Empire Police.

The 207 page dossier circulated to journalists by Pipons paints a bleak picture indeed. The main findings show that the cocaine trade alone in Legoland is funneling over £2m a month in profits to anti-government groups currently busy causing havoc in Castleland and Basicstan. The Legoban and Al-Medahyin groups are identified as being the top two beneficiaries of this “dirty money”.

Disturbingly, the links between Legoland City’s top crime gangs and anti-government groups is now “deep-rooted and near unbreakable”, the report reads. “Although the insurgents and criminal gangs have no ideological meeting point, both are using each other for their own advantage. The insurgency is being fuelled by the profits from selling unprocessed cocaine base to Legoland City’s drug syndicates.

These gangs in turn process the base and profit hugely through their distribution network on the streets of Legoland.”

The report also points to evidence that the Legoban has acquired more technologically advanced weaponry in recent months including anti-tank missiles and Kalashnikov assault rifles. “Recent arms caches uncovered prove that fighters in the ranks of the Legoban and other groups are now better equipped that the average Legoland Republican Guard soldier. This will require quick rectification or an increase in the rate of casualties being incurred is inevitable.”

Meanwhile the Ministry of Truth released a brief statement tonight calling on minifigs of the Empire to unite and stand up to drug gangs.

“The Empire calls on its loyal citizens to force the drug peddlers on their streets to either get out or deal in drugs sourced by ordinary decent criminalfigs. It is ones duty to do all one can in the war to save Legoland from the scourge on the western front.”