In an apparent political stunt, the Legoland Communist Party held a “media public get-together” at The Tavern pub in Legoland City today. Confusing the easily confused minifigs from the press, deputy leader of the party, Curious Manifestous, launched a barrage of party policies whilst criticising those of the current Legoland Government and politicians from farther afield.
Mr Manifestous called the New Brick Order party as “epitomising the problems in Legoland society” and an “anti-minifig disease that needs to be removed”. “Us hardworking minifigs deserve better, we deserve to live in a land where minifigs of all backgrounds earn the same and can all drive cars and drink beer”.
Manifestous made particular reference to events happening abroad, referring to one of the key general election issues in Rulandstin, brick distribution, as “inspiring” and “the key issue everywhere”. He said that the LCP would adopt equal brick distribution as the cornerstone of its own ideology. “Equal brick distribution for all minifigs, regardless of ethnicity, is essential for the long-term stability of our nation”, he said. “In case anyone thought it was something else, brick distribution will ensure you minifigs can all have an equal share in the nation’s resource pool”.
Despite praising Rulandstin for having “faced-up to the political hot-potato of the day in recognising brick distribution as a key issue”, the LCP hit out at Rulandsin’s leading election hopefuls, incumbent leader Bob the King and his adversary Jar-Jar. “Bob the King is a king and power has gone to his head”, Manifestous said. He also had some harsh words for Jar-Jar. “Being able to count to four isn’t good enough to run a nation of minifigs. Jar-Jar is a disgrace and relies on that aide Plankton. I repeat, Jar-Jar has AIDS!”.
Kinder words were meted out to Bob the King and Jar-Jar’s rival candidate, Luke. Luke was recently arrested in Rulandstin on charges of corruption and embezzling funds. “The LCP give their full backing to candidate Luke as his policy of equal distribution of all bricks, with no one group having more than another, is the closest to our own and the best for minifigs of Rulandstin. We expect the primary results to have been rigged and we are calling on the authorities in Rulandstin to rerun the primaries and drop all charges made against Luke. Good luck to Luke in his valiant fight against the bourgeoisie of Rulandstin”, he said. He ended by announcing that “working class minfigs of the world always stand together”.