Chief Collector General Dickus labels General Secretary an “idiot”

Chief Collector General of the Empire’s Customs, Mr Biggus Dickus, has hit out at plans by the central government to increase taxes on imports by up to 300%.

Mr Dickus, who oversees the record keeping and import tax collection at the Customs, believes such as move will dramatically reduce imports thereby severely hitting economic activity in Legoland and resulting tax revenues.

“It is likely that any income received by the state as a result of this punitive tax will be offset by a reduction in the amount of trade. This will be to the detriment of everyone and add to the general doom and gloom currently being experienced by the Empire’s suffering populace”, Mr Dickus said.

In a well-timed rant, Mr Dickus called on the nation’s party political leader, Obnoxious Consensus, to resign as he was an “idiot”. “Consensus needs to go, not tomorrow, but now. His retarded policies will bankrupt us all”, claimed the Customs chief.

The General Secretary himself was not available to comment on Mr Dickus’s remarks as according to Mr Consensus’s aides he was “busy overseeing the destruction of the capital”. Legoland City, the seat of power in Legoland is being redeveloped and various demolition teams have been busily working since March 14th on turning buildings into rubble.

Meanwhile, further proof of the deteriorating state of the public finances were revealed today with the government Ministry for Development confirming that the Emperor is likely to foot the bill for the majority of the capital’s major projects using his personal fortune. A statement from the ministry confirmed that “the philanthropist leader has already donated £45m for the purchase of new land, land that will be the foundation of our future capital”.

Elsewhere, the State Employment Bureau, released new unemployment figures today that show the number of minifigs now out of work at over 1,200, just under 50% of the entire population. The Bureau’s regional manager for the capital, Mr Supportus Bumsus, told reporters from the national and international media that this was a “worrying time for the nation” and that “minifigs should lose hope as there was no sign of any improvement in legal job prospects”.

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