Two Empire Policemen have been gunned down in Legoland City centre today in what appears to be an attack organised by the Legoland Mafia.
Witnesses reported seeing a white van approach the on duty policemen outside the Bricklyn Hotel which then pulled up along Studly Road. Two minifigs dressed in formal attire and wearing sunglasses were then seen jumping out of the parked vehicle before shooting the officers and making their escape in the direction of Seran Villa.
Although the Empire Police are yet to formally comment on the killings, the attack is being linked to the nation’s largest criminal secret society, the Legoland Mafia, and in particular the Dalambino crime family. “Sunglasses may be the key to determining who was responsible as they are prevalent among some criminal gangs in particular”, claimed expert in organised crime and author of ‘My Head’s on the Block’, Ms Sensationalus Tabloidum. “Certainly the Dalambinos are known to wear sunglasses so it could be another hit from them”, she added.
Special Branch detective Fidelis Evidencus has been called in to head the hunt for the killers yet he refused to give his initial thoughts on the case.
“I’m a minifig who likes to keep things close to my stud”, he said. More forthcoming was Empire Police Chief Biggus Piggus who launched a stinging attack on the Dalambinos. “They are not a real family, no real loyalty towards each other. It’s just a organisation of greed and vice. They should know that we are watching their every move. We have 24 hour surveillance 365 days a year and so when they make a mistake, and they will, we will be onto them, like lightening, before they can even attempt to take out their erasers”.
When questioned about how the attack could have occurred if the Empire Police’s surveillance was working, Chief Piggus blamed resources. “We can’t be in two places at one time, we’re only Legomen”.
Meanwhile, the Legoland First political party believes the authorities are losing the battle against organised crime. “When was the last major success the police had against these crime gangs? Never. They never have”, said LF’s Mr Contentious Acrimonious. “The army should be deployed onto the streets of Legoland as the police force comprises of dunderheads”.