Sources close to the dictator of the Legoland Imperial Republic, Emperor David, have revealed that the supreme ruler is “pissed off” at having to do a “stupid fucking exam” in “this day and age”.
The revelations came as the Emperor went missing from Legoland public life for the last week and a half and news from the nation effectively ceased.
According to Mr Prints, the owner of the country’s best newspaper, The Legoland Times, the Emperor’s return is good news. “We need wars and stuff to sell papers”, the admirable Mr Prints said while leaving for his mansion on the outskirts of Legoland City.
It is understood that the Emperor has been studying relatively hard for a computer networking exam.
Spokesman for the ruler, Mr Ferocious Retardus, denied that the Emperor had “flunked” the exam and said that with this new knowledge the “Emperor will maybe be able to cause more havoc in the near distant future in his bid for world domination”. Mr Retardus stressed that the course was “computer networking and not social networking” as some rumours had suggested.
Meanwhile in totally unrelated news, the Legoland Football Association president Mr Fifa has once again denied claims that he is overweight. In a press conference at the association’s door-less head office, Mr Fifa called the accusations “exaggerations and falsehoods”. He also denied that he was in talks with McDonalds Legoland for a new advertising campaign by the restaurant chain aimed at football hooligans targeting the outlets.